Now there is one thing that we all readily conform to without even noticing - and that is giving people space. It is not socially acceptable to sit next to the only other person on the bus or to stand right next to someone who is getting money out of a cashpoint or more to the point to breath down the neck of the person in front of you in a queue but this is exactly what happened to me.
There I was being a good citizen, doing my part by waiting patiently in the queue at Asda when I sense a presense. . . . .not the spectral kind but a woman with a . . lets say . . large frame hunkered up behind me.
Its one of those dripping tap moments - once you notice it, it's all you can think about! I tried to shuffle forward slightly without imposing myself on the gentleman in front but this only prompted her to shuffle forward also. So now I am stuck feeling a little to close to the person in front and still aware of this 'woman' invading the little space I have between the tills, the countless bars of chocolate and the 'bag for life' display.
I can feel myself start to sweat a little - I can't believe the bare faced nerve of this woman, I look around to see if anyone else has noticed this personal space invasion but the numerous shoppers that surround me are completely oblivious to my discomfort
I am starting to loose my cool, time the think tactically. I subtly look back . . just a smidge and realise that if I just reached for a bar of chocolate, she may move to give me more room.
I look towards the chocolate and pull a 'hhuummmmm what should I have' kind of face . . . . . . yeah you know the one!! Then I go for it. I reach back but she doesn't move - I lean a little closer, reach across and . . . . . . . brush her enormous breast with my arm . . .oh god, the horror, the embarrassment. I feel my face flush as I quickly retreat my arm, uttering my apologies and resume my place in line. Surely she will move, surely now she will realise she is just TOO DAMN CLOSE!!!! But no. Her hot breath is on my neck, more apparent now than ever and now I am mad. Mad for the touching of the breast, mad for the chocolate that I actually would have had if I could have got to it and mad at the man infront who is slowly packing him items in his bag. I want to scream and tell him to get a bloody move on before I lose the will to live, but then she coughs. . . . this big, chesty, phlegmy cough straight in my direction. I see red, hot poker red and I turn to her and in a voice far too loud for Asda, say "Look I don't mean to be rude but can you back up and give me some room" She looks right at me, clearly embarrassed by my outburst and shuffles back leaving me to feel like the worst person in the world. It was no big deal really, the whole ordeal had only lasted a matter of 5 or 6 minutes, what harm was she doing. I hurriedly paid for my few bits and tried to catch her eye to give her an apologetic smile but she is busy leaning past the man behind her to get a chocolate bar, clearly invading his personal space with her oversized mamories. I look at the man, smile, shrug my shoulders and go home.
